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To: All Employees
From: Human Resources
Subject: Foul Language
Date: February 28, 2000
It has been brought to management's attention that individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner, without risk the of offending our more sensitive employees.
TRY SAYING: INSTEAD OF:
Perhaps I can work late. And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
I'm certain that isn't feasible. No fucking way
Really? You've got to be shitting me!
Perhaps you should check with... Tell someone who gives a shit.
Of course I'm concerned. Ask me if I give a shit.
I wasn't involved in the project. It's not my fucking problem.
That's interesting. What the fuck?
I'm not sure this can be implemented. This shit won't work.
I'll try to schedule that. Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
Are you sure this is a problem? Who the hell cares?
He's not familiar with the issues. He's got his head up his ass.
Excuse me, sir? Eat shit and die.
So you weren't happy with it? Kiss my ass.
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment. Fuck it, I'm on salary.
I don't think you understand. Shove it up your ass.
I love a challenge. This job sucks.
I see. Blow me.
Yes, we really should discuss it. Another fucking meeting!
I don't think this will be a problem. I really don't give a shit.
He's somewhat insensitive. He's a prick.
She's an aggressive go-getter. She's a ball-busting bitch.
I think you could use more training. You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

Thank You,
Human Resources


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